I used to know this guy, he was one of those "intellectual" types, the kind that analyzes everything, from every imaginable angle. And yet, once in a while I could surprise him and come up with a way of looking at something that he actually hadn't thought of. We challenged each other (okay maybe he did more challenging, he liked that you know, making me think) we drove each other to think, feel, listen and really hear each other. We didn't always see eye to eye but we could usually acknowledge the others point of view or sometimes we would agree to disagree, or I would just get mad and shut up and let him think whatever he wanted, secretly to myself thinking "he is so wrong".
He used to throw intellectually thought out, statistically correct facts and figures at me and I would just want to scream. I am an emotional thinker, I don't always know the "facts and figures" I know how I feel about something. I used to argue that in those instances I get to have an emotional response because that is what is available, comfortable to me. He used to make my blood boil and my head on the verge of exploding, often and I probably elicited the same reaction in him sometimes.
It wasn't always confrontational, sometimes we would laugh our heads off about stupid things, usually having its genesis in something dorky I had done or said. I embrace my inner dork and tried to get him to do the same, although I don't think he was ever very comfortable with that.
He liked to be the smartest guy at the table and let everyone know it. I don't say that as an insult, it was a fact, he usually was the smartest guy at the table. I tried to get him to open up and see other possibilities, he tried to make me see that I had a "global" responsibility to not only understand the world at large but to participate in it intellectually. We used to argue, faces red (okay mine). But when it came right down to it, we were communicating, we were honest, open and opinionated.
We trusted each other with things we didn't trust just anybody with. We shared something special. We saw in each other something maybe not everyone saw, maybe because we didn't let them or maybe because they didn't look as hard. We loved Buffy (until Willow turned lesbo-ha) we talked about movies and books, religion, politics, loved ones,respect, our employers (a common and often frustrating topic) there were very few topics that were off limits for our discussions. He made me feel smart, appreciated, and worthy of the respect he gave me, and I in turn respected him.
I witnessed a miracle in him that will stay with me always and erased forever any qualms or shadows of doubt I could ever have about the existence of God. I left our place of mutual existence a long time ago, under duress and stress and since then we seem to have evaporated from each others lives, it seems weird to me that someone I had such a connection with (perhaps it was strictly within the confines of that building) could just disappear from my radar. I admit, I never wrote, I never called. At first it was too hard and I was too raw and then it just seemed like it had been too long and perhaps he had moved on, and what if we didn't have anything to say to each other anymore, though I find that highly doubtful. He was my friend and I liked him. And when all else failed we could always blame the aliens, clearly the theory of choice to explain most unexplainable phenomenon.
I wonder what ever happened to that guy.
