Path of destruction

I walked the path of mental self destruction and found it littered with the empty, unfinished chapters of my life. I tried to change something that couldn't be changed, no serenity prayer for me. I was desperate for someone to see me and reach out a hand, a lifeline so I would know I wasn't alone on this path. I have never been good at asking for help, seeking it, when I need it. Not by choice or design, I mentally buried myself and waited for someone to notice and come to my funeral. No one showed up to throw dirt on my casket or cry over my immortal soul. No one came to sing amazing grace or read the 23rd psalm. No one seemed to notice that I had disappeared from my own life. Somehow I thought it would be obvious that I was not really inhabiting my life, it was not. I got up, went to work, came home, made dinner, did homework, read stories and even made love, all completely on autopilot; without passion or energy and nobody seemed to notice. Does that say more about the people in my life or me? Are they completely clueless or am I a really good actress?