Anonymous

Most of us want to be noticed. We spend a lot of time on our clothes or hair so that people won't miss us. They will notice my bright pink shirt or the beautiful necklace I have on or my custom made "happy monkey" shoes. We want to pass by and have people look because we feel good about ourselves and it shows. Its not that we want to be, or feel we could ever be one of the "beautiful people". But we are content with ourselves, at ease in our life and our bodies, however imperfect they may be. I have a friend who is morbidly obese. She is going through the steps to have gastric bypass surgery that could save, or at least prolong her life. She probably will not live to see 50 without it. The road that took her to this place was long, frustrating, fraught will peril,pain and despair. She must make this new journey to regain her life. She wants it for so many reasons. She wants to be able to ride a bicycle again. She wants to go hiking with her husband, shop at the mall without having to stop and rest so often. She wants to take her dogs for a long walk, play catch with her nieces. She wants to take back control of her life and her health from this bulk that she has been hiding in for so many years, pushing people away, hiding inside her safe haven of fat. I was talking to her recently about all the changes that can take place after such surgery. Not physical changes those are a given. Changes in relationships. Many marriages end after one has gastric bypass. They rediscover themselves and can't "fit" the same role they used to have in the relationship. It is like finding someone you thought was lost and maybe your partner liked it better when you were hiding. The thing that she said she was looking forward to the most, being anonymous. She wants to walk into a clothing store (one for "normal" people). Go to a movie theater and not wonder how big the seats are. Go to a restaurant and order extra butter without the barely concealed sneer of the skinny blonde waitress "sure that's what you need more of". With great guilt I admit I also have thought this. She wants to be anonymous. To go anyplace, every place and have nobody notice her. She is not anonymous now. People notice, gawk, stare, small children point and giggle or ask their moms "why is that lady so fat" (I have heard this). In a world where we are all trying to be noticed what she want more than anything is to be invisible. An interesting perspective.