The right words

I will never have the power of words that I want. I want to touch, inspire, provoke, entertain. I want to use words to stake my claim on my place in the world, in my own life. I don't know the words that will set me free. They seem simple and uninspiring. They elude my fingers at the keyboard. I stare at my hands and want them to take the initiative and speak their own story, like maybe my fingers will know the way to the truth I want to speak. If I open my mind and try not to think about it too much will the words find their own way from my heart? I read others, a lot, and I am deeply inspired and awed and feel like I should just pack up my pens and paper and take up knitting. I have always wanted to write and I have always been afraid of it. I have always kept my writing to myself, with a few rare exceptions. I can not risk rejection if I don't let anyone see it. I can tell myself I am good at it. I can believe that I have a steak knife not a butter knife with which to "cut" my work. I can tell myself I know the right words and I can believe it because there is no one to say "I don't think so" But how can I inspire or provoke or entertain if I don't share? How can I gauge my effectiveness in conveying my life if I won't let people in? This is what I struggle with. The need to be good at it and the need for people to see it and the need to keep it to myself. If I risk nothing I can not lose. So I will begin to offer up these things that I have always held closest to me, my words. And hope that I have not been wrong. That sometimes I do get it right and sometimes I do know the right words.